Surgery is Tomorrow

WOW I can't believe two weeks have passed and surgery is tomorrow morning. I'm so scared but I want to continue to make everyone in my family think that I'm ok. I don't know that I can stay strong much longer i'm so scared. I just don't want anything bad to happen. There are so many things that are still left to be done and so many thing I still want to see. Now I wonder if I'm making the right choice, what if something goes wrong and I never wake up. Why didn't i drink all the shakes, why did I cheat and eat when I wasn't suppose to? Will those things make a difference? I don't know what to do. I want this surgery more then I have ever wanted anything in my life but I'm so scared to fail. I'm scared of the pain and of how different my life will be. I'm scared of everything. Right now I regret all the things I didn't do because I was scared. I regret not telling people how I really feel about them and I regret not being able to see my dad. I'm angry that he won't be there. I'm angry that I put myself in this situation to begin with. I'm angry and scared and just a total mess right now. I don't know what else to say. Tomorrow at this time things will be so different. I'm nervous about loosing myself and what I know I'm right now how different will I become?